Yesterday (April 25) was a typical day for me—a very full, long and busy one. Up at 5AM, showered, big mug of black coffee and a slice of whole wheat bread with organic peanut butter followed by an hour of reading before work. Bustling office hours from 7:30 to 11:30AM; had banana and tangerine for snacks over the course of the morning. Healthy lunch: colorful salad, small piece of pizza, water to drink, and pear for dessert. Hectic afternoon hours 12:30-5PM or so—had miserable and disturbing responsibility of informing two men with spouses present that their prostate biopsies showed cancer and would require treatment.
Arrived home by 5:30 on a picture-perfect day. After a horrendous winter and very rainy April, this day was a gift, so took my Trek bike out for the first time since Fall, pumped up the tires and did a glorious 20 mile hilly ride. Felt great and was surprisingly easy for my first ride after a long hiatus. Showered, had awesome and very satisfying dinner with family—grilled wild salmon over whole grain pasta, salad, glass of Pinot Grigio; peanut butter on small croissant with herbal tea for dessert.
Checked email and watched Robin Williams on Charlie Rose with my wife and daughter. Was so tired could barely keep eyes open, but snuck off to kitchen, opened fridge and stumbled upon Chinese food from night before. Standing up, “inhaled” cold leftovers right out of the carton—one of dishes looked less than savory with that white, ugly fat scattered through the sauce, since refrigeration caused the liquid oils to become solid fats—didn’t stop me, though.
My wife was actually quite insulted: “Didn’t I make a great dinner?” “Yes, you did, hun, it was just me fatigue eating again. I wasn’t the least bit hungry and it was not at all satisfying and I’m really very pissed at myself…I’ve done this so many times before and it’s foolish and I know better. It’s amazing I’m not overweight…I’m fortunate I’m so active and just burn fuel rapidly.”
Went upstairs, climbed into bed, struggled to read a few pages and quickly fell asleep.
Alert this morning, thought about this repeat episode of fatigue eating, concluding: enough already, unnecessary, silly… I will not let this happen again. I thought of a quote that I had recently come across by Jacob A. Riis:
Look at the stonecutter, hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without so much as a crack showing in it. Yet, at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before.
Not sure why, but think that this fatigue eating “rock” has finally got a crack in it. Have asked my wife to help me out when she senses that I might fall prey to this—the “buddy system” is very useful under these circumstances.
For more info on fatigue eating, please refer to my April 3, 2011 blog entry entitled FATigue eating. Access at www.promiscuouseating.com: click “blog” on front page.